clinging to my grief like its a lifeline. i cling to these memories with so much passion ... so much more passion than i had when the memory was still in the present.i feel myself selling my soul to the past, this makes me ready for the grave or just looking for a way to escape the pain of today....


this is my reality...

i stew in a pit of self pity with a hunger ghost that lives within me that can never be fulfilled. a constant battle from the inner pain that overtakes my very own  soul, my very spirit.  It fuels a emptiness that slowly begins to rot away inside of me. this rotten pain consumes me the anticipation that i feel slowly creeps up my spine to my neck and to my core. the laughter you inject into me up to my core.  i feel it for a just brief interlude of a kiss as you open your eyes and look at me  so briefly you look away quickly, i feel your heart, my spot for such a short moment i feel my heart begin to shrink.i feel you letting me go .. i feel the damage in waves of pain and completely absorbed by this dark side of love. my veins feel empty.

I started a youtube channel check it out!!!http://www.youtube.com/user/KweenKreativity

weirdddddd!!!

Another sultry seductive sexy spectulum summer session

the night is hot and steamy already, the air in this hot sexy city of san francisco is seducing me already without even thought of sex. The humidity is causing me to slowly slip another article of clothing off of my hot steamy body. I am walking quickly down the busy street of market trying to avoid any eye contact with any other individuals that are trying to divert my attention to another task. I am so entranced by my moistness forming from within my secret gardens' flower. As I feel myself begin to bloom fully with an uncontrollable urge to find someone with a strong, yet gentle touch that can throw me around yet always being gentle enough not to rip my petals off. How will find a man that can give me what I want, then he arrived in front of me like a angel in a time of need. A beautiful hot hunk of an angel that is just willing and ready to please me... there he was Hank, the beautiful man I never was able to capture not to long ago that now stood in front of me no shirt, sweat pouring down his six pack and he stood there stunned and was able to recognize me in my hasty entry and almost complete escape from reality, little did I know that I had a already host. So this embrace that we encountered wasn't at all a friendly hug. It was a hot bothered and total engulfing hug.

So he pulled out the utensil of the elite.

Only the privileged few have the know how and the tool of this unique and odd fetish...

shiny

silver

and clicks 3 times when it is inserted into an orifice...

so as this super hansom man has me insert this sectulum into his anus I felt no excitement inside me only the feeling of totally perverted and creepy...

So he stayed there with this spectulum in his rectum allowing his spicnter to pucker sucking all the dry air into the vast cave of dry ice with a smell of burnt cabbage hanging over our heads.

One and a half hours go by the paint is beginning to peel...

is this really happening?

Your words are not the same

Not the same as the others

that have previously came

Their not even worth a recollection of a situation of a misread affection

Brimming to the top with a voice

to protest what they claim to be

not another

not to see

never will amount to be what they claim to be

the mask appears to become apparent to me

How to did I get your attention finally.

thank you for taking a second look you’re a relief

now you stare at me

its that look

with it my soul you shook

how did I get a recognition from you?.

A combination we begin

not out to win

but maybe down for something finally real to begun

near me I feel your presence

begin to lure my deep corridor

what for?

My hearts’ sore

sore to the core or so I thought

my outer shell jaded and a bit pulled apart from life

don’t dismiss me

so fast

instead

do something different

rip me apart

to me make me strive to be alive continue to purify my thoughts

with a harsh reality

Fuck this current bullshit

. are you ready to dissect this current bullshit of a society?

Another day another discouraging hint of yet another disillusion so slowly begins to take over my emotional being. Can not say I am at all shocked I knew deep within me there will not be another person that I could relate to and confide in or see the love for me within their spirit not just a wanting love not just a love to tussle my hair or a love to ruffle my feathers not a love just around to sugar coat this dirty existense into a ride of fun and unaldultered bliss how come I do do not enchant or emtice another to want to be a part of me and all I that I feel see and am… I find myself trying to be a part of peoples lives but they dismiss me like yesterdays rotten moldy bread only to offer my loaf when it is all fresh and ready to be consumed with its full of life and softness just aiming to please instead they keep their head turned until I am all rotten to the core green with anger and ready to inject a poison so deep into them that they do not want to eat me because I am lethal help me to see life for what it is and let go of this silly illuysion of being in love because its over it’s a dream I can not dream anymore

the power exchange

ANOTHER DAY THAT SEEMED IT WOULD HAVE NO OUTLET FOR CREATIVE EXPORESSION OR THE OPPORTUNITY TO EXPERIENCE ANOTHER ONES SECRET INTRIGUING UNKNOWN PLATEAU TO PLAY AND FROLLIC. OF COURSE THIS PLACE IS ONLY AVAILABLE TO THOSE WITH OPEN MINDS AND THE ABILITY TO BE FREE OF INHIBITION. HOW DO YOU GET UP ENOUGH CONFIDENCE TO ENTICE ANOTHER WITH YOUR SECRETS THAT ONLY YOU KNOW AREN’T VERY INTERESTING. WELL THIS DAY WOULD END LIKE NO OTHER HAVE OR EVER WILL DO.

I COULD NOT EXPLAIN TO YOU ANY DIFFFERENCE FROM THIS DAY FROM ANOHTER. ONLY THAT THE GODS OF SENSUALITY WOULD SHOW ME A PLACE THAT I NEVER KNEW EXISTED OR EVEN THOUGHT I WOULD EVER BE ABLE TO PART OF.

SO THERE IT WAS NIGHT. IT WAS DRAWING TO A CLOSE IN THE WEST ENGULFING THE CITY IN A CLOAK OF SECRECY. A BLACKNESS THAT WAS WANTED SO BADLY AS IF IT WERE THE OXYGEN WE NEED TO BREATHE. THE OBSCURE AND THE DEFINITELY PLAYFUL KITTENS WOULD EMERGE TO FIND THE OTHERES THAT WOULD FIND THEIR FAMILIAR CAT TREES OF TREATS TREASON AND TRICKS OF LOVE AND LUST. THEY WOULD WEAR THERE COSTUMES THEIR EYES WOULD MOVE IN TRICKY LITTLE PROVACOTIVE WAYS IN A WAY A HAND WOULD FINGER A GESTURE IN SECRECY TO COME CLOSER. I HAVE ONLY HEARD OF THESE EVENTS THINKING THEY WERE FANTASY LIKE ALL THE REST OF THE OMPALOOMPAS OR FAIRYANGELS THAT COME AND STEAL THE ROTTTEN TEETH FROM UNDER YOUR PILLOW. I WANTED TO FIT IN BUT ALSO FELT LIKE IF THIS WAS MY ONLY CHANCE TO WEAR A PAIR OF KITTEN EARS WITHOUT SEEMING COMPLETELY FOOLISH TONIGHT IS THE NIGHT. SO PUT MY EARS OF ECTASY ON AND BEGAN MY JOURNEY TO THE PECULIAR LAND OF POWER EXCHANGE….

I HAVE TO ADMIT THAT I WAS NOT PREPARED FOR THE ENCOUNTERS WASD ABOUT TO EXPERIENCE. I WENT WITH 2 OF MY FRIENDS, STAN, AND DEANNA. THEY WERE DRESSED TO KILL JUST AS I WAS.PROVACTIVE AND SEXY WITH A TID BIT OF SLEAZE TO FINISH OFF THE LOOK. WE ALL HAVE NEVER BEEN TO A PLACE LIKE THIS BEFORE SOI ALL OF US GETTING THE JITTERS AND FEELING A BIT UNSURE WE DECIDED TO PRETEND TO BE INTERESTED IN A GAME OF POOL. AS THEY STARTED THE GAME AND WENT TO GET A DRINK I DECIDED TO GO FOR WALK AROUND AND SEE WHAT THE HELL WE WERE UP FOR … NOTHING COULD OF PREPARERD ME .,…

FIRST A MEDEVIL ROOM WITH A GAUNTLET, WHIPS CHAINS, AND A HUGE ROUND TABLE WITH LOTS OF GREASY ITEM FOR INSERTION OR FOR CONSUMING. I WOULD RATHER NOT EITHER… SO I CONTINUED TO FIND SEVERAL MEN IN DIAPEWRS SHITTING ON THEM SELVES AND LARGE TRANSEXUALS SPANKING THEMN AND CHANGING THEIR DIAPERS. THERE WAS A REAL WOMAN THERE CONDUCTING A REAL LIFE FEEDING FROM HER REAL LACTAIDING BREASTS …. OH MY……QUICKLY I RAN BECAUSE I WAS STARTED TO GETA FOLLOWING OF NAKED MEN FOLLOWING ME JACKING OFFF….. OH NO I WAS GETTING LOST IN THE DOCTORS OFFICE THE PORNO FILM ROOM AND THE TORTURE CHAMBERSS… OK I WAS GETTING SCARED… THEN THEY THEIR WERE MY FRIENDS MAKING OUT IN A JAIL CELL AND THEY YELLED THROUGH THE CROWD FOR ME TO JOIN … AT THIS TIME THERE WAS LIKE A HUNDRED PEOPLE WATCHING AND I WAS SCARED OF ALL THE JACKING, WACKING, STROKING, LUB ING, AND TOTALLY GREASING LOOK ON LOOKERS TRYING TO GRAB ME … SO AS DEANNA TRIED TO LEAN AGAINST THE SAW HORSE AND ARREST BENCH I BEGAN TO KISS HER. STAN STROKING HER BREASTS. THE CROWD WAS GETTING LOUDER AND MORE PUSHY THE GUARDS BEGAN TO GATHER TO KEEP US SAFE AND SOON PUT UP CHAINS TO BLOCK PEOPLE FROM ATTACKING. WE COULD NOT DO ANYTHING IN THIS SMALL JAIL CELL SO WE PROCEEDED TO GO TO THE LEATHER ROOM AND STRAP DEANNA UP TO THE BED THAT IS WHEN I DECIDED TO HELP- INSERT HIS PENIS INTO HER ANUS NO LUBE NO HESITATION AND HIS DICK WAS HUGE… I SWEAR I HEARD IT RIP HER SKIN… OUCH … AS I WATCH THEM FUCKING I TURN TO MY SIDE. HOARDS OF JACKING OFF AND THEN I LOOK UP AND I SWEAR PEOPLE WERE COMING OUT OF THE RAFTERS LIKE THE LOST BOYS JACKING OFF AT THAT PAINT I MADE A DECISION TO END THIS LITTLE ESCAPADE BECAUSE I WASN’T GOING TO TURN INTO A VAMPIRE AND I DID NOT WANT ANYONE TO JACK OFFF ONTO ANY PART OF ME… I HAD ENOUGH… THIS HAD TO BE THE STRANGEST TRIP DOWN THIS SEXUAL CITY OF SAN FRANCISCO UNDERGROUND WORLD OF PURE UNALDATERED SIN. CITY OF SIN I HAVE ARRIVED … MEOW.

older writings...

Is this really my life?

A poem to my Mother

DEAR TONI STEPHENS, My MOTHER:

(the crackhead/herion addict/any drug she can get her hands on dope fiend)

It took me way too long to see the whole picture.

I can see you; hopefully it's not in my future.

It took me this long to see your reality and the way it has depleted too less than nothing.

Your effortless attempt to achieve your state of being is long overdue for a quick and surprising reward.

Pathetically you demean and condescend yourself

Contradicting every move you make.

You’re a sorry excuse for a human being.

I am sick and tired of your voice everything you say is the same.

This times its you that should feel this shame.

You disgrace your own presence.

Your brittle weak mind has now begun to take over your decrepit body.

So I watch as you slowly decay and rot away in front of me.

Completely consumed by this strange unexplainable hunger for completion to this metamorphosis...

I watch with anticipation for its completion.

Someday a ray of sunshine will open in that dark clouds lining...

Your dumb childish, unconscious, insecure ploy to gain irrelevant mental power

Is unmistakably the most pathetic thing I have witnessed in a long time...?

As you start your journey to your final descent for an escape from the pit of self-pity created by your own sweet, subconscious, greed.

You have an unseen need for others

To feel personal anguish caused by your devious and conceiving ways.

But now your game is over.

We all know you can't take it, so go ahead and take your only known privilege to achieve personal growth and spiritual enlightenment...

Then you unknowingly distinguish all known ways to survive in this world...

Because without your soul and your spirit you waste you’re only known reality...

Your waste of time, a waste of space, and on a waiting list to pay your dept

To the ones you have betrayed...

The beings that you let down, the beings that you turned away, the beings that turned to you for guidance...

All of us say goodbye and farewell forever.

It's your turn to pay for all the pain you caused to me and to others...

So go ahead and do what calls to your soul…

So go ahead poke yourself with that needle of fury that

Burns your heated passion that controls your every thought...

Your very move...

You have given up that means you forfeit your turn...

Your hand has been dealt...

Surrender your soul to the blackened tar that fuels your veins...

Good riddance to the emptiness that you have created in me.

Because I have solved your riddles and I know how to play your game...

It was me who won your game and as for you…

Game over.

YOUR DAUGHTER, ANGEL SERAFINO.

(the one that you’ll never get a chance to really know,)

A poem to My Brother

MICHAEL James LEE

Hear my plea….

Read my rhyme…

O’ little brother of mine …

I remember when you were only just nine…

That’s when our family seemed just perfectly fine.

I can’t remember when it all began, was it the crack? The heroin? Oh yea it was the berry coolers filled with wine.

Why must we have all this distance between each other?

You are my one and only brother.

I always wanted to take you away from our mother.

Michael my bro don’t let her keep you away from me?

I used to cry for you so badly I couldn’t see…

Her evilness is beyond reasonable explanation …

We may be her seed but never her creation….

The hatred she once created in me slowly died…

I wont let her do me in too, I know I could find the light if I really truly tried.

I know you feel closer to her than I have or will do

But you have to realize in order for her to love you, she must love herself too.

Please hear my prayer for your light to survive…

For within God’s light your true inner strength thrive…

I will always be here for you my little bro.

We love you and miss you …

Angel, tonee Anthony, gigi, and Elijah.

A poem to my Dad, winston lee.

How did you do it for so long ?

Kept your head on straight and seemed so strong.

Always in control of the situation with so much confidence.

Complete control of any and all of her nonsense.

Your inner strength amazes me.

Your daughter again I wish I could be.

Maybe then the stupid accusations and idiotic mind games she tries to play will subside.

Never once does she stop and see me as I cried.

Being completely pushed away and shut out.

We all know what she is all about.

Soon I learned to be my own mother.

Because of her jealousy I never got to really see my father or younger brother.

Why must she hate me so?

This I will never ever know.

What did I do to her for her to abandon me ?

The tears have now finally stopped and I realize now what has to be.

But when she takes her last breathe, its then I will see the light she kept on hiding from me.

Then I hope my dream will come true, a family again -me, my dad, and brother will finally be able to see.

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